I'd like to ..

I'd like to tell you that everything is perfect and no one gets hurt or is sad in the telling of this story.
I'd like to say that life wont ever offer you disappointments.
I'd like to tell you that every dog has it's day and it'll all be ok.

But being April Fool's day.. And tomorrow being April 2nd.. I can't lie to you or myself.

Being a very grounding date for me, you've won a very serious Nikki.

I had a wonderful trip. My heart is full. It was full the entire time I was there. There's something to be said about being so very lucky as to find another family hundreds of miles away. There's something to be said about walking back into a room and picking up a conversation midsentance.

There's something to be said about closure. About affirmations of the right choices being made.

Wednesday of last week I had a wonderful trip to Atlanta. The flight was bumpy as all get out and I remember breathing a sigh of relief when things finally leveled out. I also mumured a brief curse about Shannon Ceasar ruining take offs and landings for me with his midnight touch and goes all those years ago. (I was so young. Life was so simple.)
I got my hair "did" by the amazing Jack but apparently I flinched when he went to cut my hair into the actual cut he intended.. so he stopped and until Friday I pondered.. and Saturday found me back in his chair for a shorter cut.
Thursday was the office and visiting and flitting and socializing and horrible food and punishments in the form of chicken salad that wasnt and training that didnt.. And then..
The party.
If I could pick my family people from Atlanta would play a major part. The level of comfort just from seeing Steve's face.. Rosa's smile.. Sharon's hair.
Walking into Amsterdam I found home away from home in the sheer prescence of angels. My angels. Matt and Russ both had new friends.. Vicki's had a grandbaby.. Johnnie has a show.. Rosa finally has no house guests.. and in the midst of the laughter.. and gossip and secrets and wonderful food was me.
I had exactly one martini. It wasn't so much the soaking of vodka in my liver as much as my heart being entirely too full and my time being entirely too brief.
Instead? I was me. Toting and fetching and teasing and commenting.. wearing a tiara and vampin it up.. and tryin not to cry and miss a minute.
And it was all too brief. Goodbyes come too soon. Tears on me arent pretty. And suddenly I am worried about Friday's goodbyes. and then Sundays. But I knew that those goodbyes would be easier than being away from here.
Here is what keeps me going.
Friday's training class did more than drag. It was tear inducing and not from sadness.
I finally escaped to go home and nap.. and dreamed of far away people and made a mental note to try and explain to the who's the what's of my dream.. it didnt go well on Monday -- But I tried.
Friday nite.. birthday dinner at Brio with a bottle of twist top Hope wine. A finally answered text from Bob .. a trip to Mee's.. and a displeased Nikki.

I received a scolding on Monday from The Bob. He wasn't pleased with me or my friends. Apparently I was pointed.
Here's a hint. I was goin for pointed.

Oddly enough that was one interaction that made me realize one very important thing: If I'd stayed for that? for him? I'd have died a bored old maid in Atlanta. Period. Right choice. Closure. Affirmation. Entertainnment for days. but still.

Saturday was a day of recutting hair and long drawn out pauses in conversation. It was a reconnection with a very dear piece of my soul and some very necessary understandings hopefully shared. Who knows.... except for this.. I know I tried my very best to be understood.

Dixie does Drag was Saturday nite and once again I found myself honored with an invitation from Amanda Michaels.. And once again I was hit square in the heart when I looked at those faces of some of the most dear people to me. There's lots of words to be found in me.. but I can't express it correctly. All I know is life is good. I am blessed. I know love. I've seen it. I've felt it. I would do almost anything for those people. Ok.. the fact that there was fried chicken livers and peppermint ice cream with chocolate fudge sauce after helps the whole "I love each and every one of you' feeling

Sunday was a cast of characters that either couldnt or wouldnt join the nite before.. a nice rounding out of my weekend. There were gaps. There are things I'd change. There are things I wouldnt.
Perfect bacon should never be questioned.

And as I wandered about the Atlanta airport hours later I found myself singing under my breath something along the lines of .. 'and I could not ask for more.

My loves. The people who know me and sometimes understand me..and the ones who want to understand me but rarely "get" me.. they will share with you that I am not the most easily pleased person. I've heard from a few of all of them that I am spoiled. But really.. the spoiling isn't true .. I love. And I am loved. Deeply.

And when I walked into Erath and found my babies and my snowball awaiting to hear my adventures.. when my momma broke the entire phone system in the 337 so I'd come home.. when I snuggled that little girl on my way out the door.. I knew it.
I'd like to be the one to tell you this first:

I am home. Well travelled. Planning my next adventure.. which is only made possible because I am *home*.