Sparks & Booms

So. The 4th has passed.. and we're all still standing.. some of us are barely breathing.. but standing.. yes.

I had scheduled a few vacation days off to expand the company holiday that was planned.. I think I had planned on escaping somewhere with someone when the vacation was picked last year.. last year.. when I was hopeful and innocent and believing in people's words and promises.

I trained the Moms and the Libs that there would be no bothering me. I slept late. I was just finishing my coffee at noon on Thursday and got a call letting me know my grandmother's sister died. It happened to be my great grandmother's anniversary. My granny had talked to her sister so she felt ok..I think it's hard to be the one left behind sometimes more than others.

It was hard hearing other people say how badly my Snoball looks. They weren't being hurtful or trying to cause harm.. they were being honest. I am ever more aware of how very blessed I am to have this time with her. with them. with you.

So instead of lounging laziness we had things to do and items on the to do list.. cooking and baking and errand running and lots and lots of heat.

After the funeral and the required visit at the family's house.. and the enjoyment of my mother's first cousins.. and the smothering heat with a tease of a breeze.. We headed home to bake (snickerdoodles) and rest.
Sometime near 430 we headed to town to prepare for the annual 4th of July parade through beautiful downtown Erath, La.
I saw some people I hadn't seen in years. I didnt necessarily speak to them.
We were hot. It was hot. We had a nice enough time and somewhere around the end I got a call from #13 telling me that he and his mother were nearby and needed to be guided in.
Once they were parked and introductions went all the way around the moms settled in my brother and Lib's house and we settled outside under a tent and on the side of a huge shop fan.
During the evening and the various visits #13 and I strolled through the fair a few times.
On my first visit I noticed a shaved head and an unshaven face.

I love the poeple I love without reason. Far too often without thinking and for far too long and well after they dont deserve it. This was a long lost friend that had hurt my feelings recently (I can't lie.. I am rather fragile these days) and in an effort to NOT put on a fireworks show on the side of the Beer Booth.. I avoided.

Until the last trip. Stupid head decided to push. I honestly always knew he had brain damage. I figured this out when after getting out of the Marines he joined the National Guard and went to freakin Iraq. Stupidhead ignored me shaking my head no. He ignored the really not nice eyes. He still strolled over... put his arms around me and proceeded to make me want to kill him. Again.

It's a love that I would expect some people feel for their siblings. Except we arent related and he's made my heart cry and while he might be living right right now.. pushing me isnt smart.

I didn't spill blood. I would love for someone to give me credit about that. .I didn't scream and I didn't explode.. #13 didn't run screaming.. I think it was fair warning to him about crossing me.
And when we got back home he received a text message about his new job. Jackonville. Great. I can do this.. possibly with a smile on my face even.. but my heart is sad..
Karma is getting a laugh at me.. but I will prevail because I can do this better for #13 than Keith did for me. If nothing else, I suck at wrapping people in bubble wrap.. and I've yet to master the apparent talent to flat out ignore the connection and bond I feel.

It was a vastly different 4th of July from last year's celebration of freedom. I cannot imagine if that 4th went differently where we'd be now.. but this is our path.. and we'll take the sparks of interest and attraction and common bond. We'll take the booms of news that we were expecting but not wanting.. We'll take it. And we'll continue our path togther.. the same but different.. adding to the circle and continuing on.