All EYES on me

I once was in a corporate training class where the staff manager over a particular group was in charge of the training.. she had an unassuming air.. as in she would NEVER assume she was less than the ultimate of interesting.

IF she caught you staring off into space.. or wandering about the internet.. or looking at your cell phone or tryin to read a book under the guise of looking down.. she'd say (loudly)

"ALL EYES ON ME!"

So.. yeah.

I've been here a while.. I'm from here tho I haven't lived here as an adult.. in about ten years or so.. and I rarely assume anyone knows me.
I got very spoiled to wandering about Atlanta invarious forms of undress/unmakeup. I thought nothing of venturing out in workout clothes, pig tails, makeup or no, glasses or contacts... what the hell was I worried about.. no ONE knew me?

Rarely was I recognized.. unlike in New Orleans when I'd have strangers instant message me on AOL or Yahoo and tell me they'd seen me out on a date.. or sitting outside the building with a friend on a smoke break..

So.. yes.. Atlanta and its big city no one knows muchless cares about the fluffy girl with cleavage spoiled me. I liked it. It enabled me to relax from the days that I woke up and put make up on ... right away.

A few weeks ago one of the guys in the office said he saw me at Walmart.. I remember hte day.. I was in a rush and not feeling well and particularly ugly that day.. makeup didnt set.. hair didnt do.. and my general outlook on the world was not nice..
He didn't say hello and was later apologizing for not seeking me out..

um.
Ok. I need to think about this.
I assume no one knows me ... I assume no one is payin attention. I venture about here as if I am unaware of those around me.. mostly because.. I AM. If we were in Abbeville or Erath I'd pay attention.. I am also (sadly) accepting of the fact that I live here now and will have to stop seeing "through" those I dont wish to make nice.. and start... makin nice. Sucks. Hurts. Bites. Hate it.

So today at lunch when I felt like a few people kept looking at me I tried to tell myself I was stupid. I normally people watch.. its a bad habit that is a major guilty pleasure of mine.. like trashy romance novels I try to limit my intake.. it appears rude and well.. unless you're at a casino or on Bourbon St it's disconcerting.

Then this old man stops me. I say old man.. he wouldnt be in the age range I'd choose to date. Hell. He might not be in the age range that Anna Nicole Smith would date.. and he LOOKS like he has a question... and I was raised right and am in a semi good mood.. so I (admittedly) smiled and made eye contact..
At which point he wondered if ANYONE had ever told me I was beautiful?

No. No one. Ever. And stop sounding so incredulous. I know it's a bad hair day.. and I still chose to not wear a paperbag.

I don't think he meant it as a compliment.
I am sure my face reacted for me.

I need to remember every now and then the eyes do end up on you.. even when you're the one doin the people watching.
And I might should avoid eye contact from now on, huh?